How telling children some foods are good or bad can lead to disordered eating

December 12, 2025 •

4 min read

According to the World Health Organization, 37 million children under five were overweight or obese in 2022, while many more experience malnutrition. A major factor influencing childhood eating habits, often overlooked, is the language parents use around food. Labeling foods as 'good' or 'bad' can inadvertently lead to a negative relationship with eating and increase the risk of disordered habits later in life.

Quick Summary

Labeling foods with moral values like 'good' or 'bad' can create shame and guilt in children, undermining their intuitive eating and potentially leading to anxiety around food. This language can establish rigid eating patterns, erode self-worth, and disrupt a child's natural ability to listen to their body's hunger and fullness cues.

Key Points

Food Labels Create Guilt: Labeling foods as 'good' or 'bad' can make children feel guilty or ashamed for their choices, intertwining food with self-worth.
Disrupts Intuitive Eating: Moralizing food teaches kids to ignore their natural hunger and fullness signals, potentially leading to overeating or restriction.
Increases Risk of Disordered Habits: Negative food language can be a precursor to more serious disordered eating patterns later in life.
Promote a Positive Food Environment: Focus on a joyful, pressure-free mealtime experience rather than strict rules and food shaming.
Use Neutral, Descriptive Language: Instead of 'good' or 'bad,' use words like 'everyday' foods for nourishment and 'sometimes' foods for treats, emphasizing balance.
Involve Kids in Meal Prep: Allowing children to participate in shopping and cooking empowers them and builds a healthier relationship with food.

The Hidden Dangers of Moralizing Food

When parents label certain foods as 'good' and others as 'bad,' the intention is usually to guide their children toward nutritious choices. However, this moralistic language can have profound, unintended consequences on a child's psychological development and their long-term relationship with food. A child's understanding of self-worth can become intertwined with their food choices, leading them to feel 'bad' for eating a 'bad' food and 'good' for eating a 'good' food. This black-and-white thinking removes the natural enjoyment and neutrality of eating, replacing it with a sense of judgment and anxiety.

For instance, a child who loves cookies might internalize the message that they are making a 'bad' choice and feel guilty for their craving. This can lead to sneaking food or eating in secret to avoid judgment, a common sign of a developing eating disorder. Conversely, they may become overly focused on only eating 'good' foods, developing a restrictive pattern that can be just as harmful to their physical and mental health. This rigid mindset inhibits a child's ability to develop self-trust regarding food, which is crucial for balanced eating in adulthood.

Psychological Impact and Disrupted Intuitive Eating

Children are naturally intuitive eaters, born with the ability to recognize their body's signals of hunger and fullness. The 'good' vs. 'bad' food dynamic disrupts this innate wisdom. When parents enforce strict rules based on food labels, children are taught to ignore their body's cues and instead rely on external rules for eating. This can lead to overeating when 'bad' foods are available (since they are seen as forbidden and scarce) or undereating when the choices are too restrictive.

Shame and guilt: The emotional baggage of eating 'bad' foods can cause a child to feel shame, which can erode their self-esteem and lead to poor body image.
Preoccupation with food: Instead of seeing food as fuel and enjoyment, it becomes a source of stress. Children may become fixated on what they 'can' and 'can't' eat, distracting them from other parts of their lives.
Increased risk of eating disorders: The foundation for disordered eating patterns, like anorexia, bulimia, and avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID), can be laid in childhood by food shaming and controlling mealtime language.
Rebellious eating: As children grow older and seek independence, they may rebel against parental food rules by excessively consuming 'forbidden' foods.

Fostering a Healthier Relationship with Food

Instead of moralizing food, parents can promote a healthier relationship with eating by shifting their language and approach. Using neutral, descriptive terms helps children understand food's purpose without attaching judgment. Focusing on how food fuels the body for activities they love, like playing and learning, is a more effective strategy than focusing on weight or appearance. Involving children in the meal planning and preparation process can also empower them and foster a sense of control and curiosity, rather than restriction and fear.

Comparison of Approaches: Moralizing vs. Neutral Language


Aspect	Moralizing Language Approach	Neutral Language Approach
Food Labels	Uses labels like 'good,' 'bad,' 'junk,' 'healthy.'	Uses descriptive terms like 'sometimes' or 'everyday' foods, 'fuel,' 'energy.'
Child's Mindset	Fosters guilt, shame, and anxiety around food choices.	Promotes curiosity and understanding of food's function.
Eating Behavior	Leads to preoccupation with food, sneaky eating, or rebellious behavior.	Encourages intuitive eating and self-regulation based on internal hunger cues.
Body Image	Connects self-worth to food choices; can lead to body dissatisfaction.	Focuses on body functionality and celebrating all body types.
Mealtime Atmosphere	Often tense, with power struggles and food arguments.	Relaxed and positive, focusing on connection and enjoyment.
Long-Term Impact	Higher risk of disordered eating and negative body image.	Supports a balanced, confident, and trusting relationship with food.

Conclusion: Building a Foundation of Food Trust

The way we talk to children about food profoundly shapes their eating habits and self-perception for a lifetime. By moving away from moralistic labels and embracing a neutral, educational approach, parents can empower their children to become intuitive eaters who trust their bodies. This shift not only reduces the risk of disordered eating but also builds a foundation for a positive, mindful, and joyous relationship with food that can last well into adulthood. Encouraging a variety of foods, promoting family meals without pressure, and modeling healthy eating behaviors are key steps in nurturing this vital skill. Ultimately, the goal is to raise children who understand that food is simply fuel, and all foods have a place in a balanced, joyful life.

Key Takeaways

Food Morality is Harmful: Labeling foods as 'good' or 'bad' can create shame and guilt, negatively impacting a child's self-worth and relationship with eating.
Intuitive Eating is Key: Children are naturally intuitive eaters, but moralistic language teaches them to ignore internal hunger and fullness cues.
Focus on Neutral Language: Using neutral terms like 'sometimes' and 'everyday' foods helps children learn about nutrition without judgment.
Encourage Variety Over Restriction: A balanced, varied diet is healthier than a restrictive one focused on 'good' foods, which can backfire into rebellious eating.
Model Healthy Behavior: Parents should model a positive and peaceful relationship with food, avoiding dieting or negative comments about food or body image.

Frequently Asked Questions

Telling a child candy is 'bad' can create shame around eating it. It can lead to sneaking food or overeating when it's available, as the child learns to associate certain foods with guilt rather than enjoying them in moderation.

Use neutral and descriptive language. Instead of labeling, explain what foods do for their bodies. For example, 'This banana will give you great energy to play' or 'We eat vegetables often because they help our bodies grow strong'.

Intuitive eating for children means trusting them to listen to their own hunger and fullness cues. As a parent, your role is to provide a variety of nutritious options, and their role is to decide what and how much to eat from what's offered.

Yes, food shaming can lead to serious, long-term issues, including a negative body image, low self-esteem, anxiety around food, and a higher risk of developing clinical eating disorders like anorexia, bulimia, or ARFID.

Avoid power struggles and don't force your child to eat. Continue to offer a variety of foods and new options patiently, without pressure. It can take many exposures for a child to accept a new food.

Banning foods can often increase a child's desire for them. Instead, allow 'sometimes' foods in moderation without guilt. Ensure a variety of nutritious 'everyday' foods are readily available and focus on balance rather than restriction.

This advice is especially important for families with a history of weight issues or disordered eating. Focus conversations on overall health and positive behaviors, not on weight. Model healthy eating and self-acceptance to break cycles of diet culture.